Selflessness vs. Selfishness
In my therapy session today, my therapist pointed something out to me. I have a sense of responsibility for everyone else but myself. She called it hyper-responsibility. I will take care of everyone else I love first before I take care of myself.
A great example would be B. She would call me over, wanting me to comfort her, and even though I knew I will end up hurt, I would still go. It was brutal.
I always want to be dependable, and so I will drop whatever I am doing, and help someone else out.
I am sick of my sense of hyper-responsibility.
Going out on a limb here, it kind of reminded me of Batman and the Doctor.
Batman came to my mind because he was ready to sacrifice himself for Gotham, for everyone else. He had this sense of responsibility for his city.
The Doctor because even though Wilfred Mott told him to leave him, so that the Doctor could live, the Doctor still chose to save Wilfred and sacrifice himself. Even though he knew Wilfred wasn’t important. The Doctor was important. He could do so much for the universe. But he chose to sacrifice himself and save Wilfred.
So maybe this hyper-responsibility thing isn’t all bad. Maybe I am destined to become a Time Lord or Batman. Idk. Maybe I am just supposed to let all the excess responsibility slough off of me, and just have a normal amount of selfishness and selflessness.
That’s what it all comes down to, isn’t it? Selfishness vs. Selflessness.
Will this battle be the one of my undoing? Or will it be my becoming?
I am sick of all this responsibility. But I just can’t let people down. It’s not in me. And right now, this sense of selflessness is unraveling who I am, swallowing all I have striven to be and become. Because I don’t feel whole when I give up what I want because someone needs/wants me to help them out.
But I can’t indulge myself in the things I want, because I know that will also be selfish.